Women are from Venus II

10:36 AM, PM’s cubicle

“Hi Siva”
“Hi Sid. So where is the report? Did you forget to send it or what?”
“No. Actually I was little held up by some personal work. Went to bank to deposit some amount. Actually they take more than 1 week I guess for interbank transfers. Then I went to the other building till the finance department to submit my IT proofs and file my returns. I got held up”
“Did you read my question properly? Did you finish the report or not?”
“Well, I was half way through….”
“So, the work stands incomplete. Correct?”
“But Siva, it is just a replica of the last week’s sheet and will finish off the report in another 30 min”
“#*(^&*&#^%&*#%^&*^”

As they say “Success has many fathers. Failure is an orphan. Can someone tell him he pointed me as the best team player last Friday?


10:40 AM, my desk

“Hello. Why was your status away?” Rithika’s window popped up
“I went up to my PMs Cubicle”
“Oh wow great. Did you tell him you are going to join lunch with your sweetheart today?”
“No. He told me I am not going to have a piece of my meal today if the report is not finished and sent, no matter where I have planned to go”
“Didn’t you finish it yet?”
“I guess I am Finished unless I finish the report. Talk to you later. Bye for now”
“Are you angry with me sweetheart? L”
“No dear. You’ve been so nice to me right from the morning. J”

You know the answer. You know you did a mistake. You still try to find an answer from me. Tell me something. Am I really looking like a Jack ass to you?

11:00 AM

“So how are things going on at your end da? When will you finish the report?”
“I have no answers for your question as of now. Things were going smooth and fine for the last 20 minutes. And then you pinged me”
“How mean and rude huh? Shouldn’t I be concerned about your work? If so please tell me. I won’t barge in again”
“No sweetheart. You are so good to me. Problem is, I’ve been your only planet and there are no inhabitants around”
“I have a lot of friends. But you are the one who swept off my feat. You are one of a kind”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah!!”
“Shall we continue this mushy mushy romance late night?
“Bye. Carry on with your workL. Lavanya is feeling thirsty. We are going to FC to get something to drink.”

12:00 PM

“Hi Siva. I have sent you the status report and please review it. If in case anything needs to be changed, please let me know”
“Sure”
“And sorry for the delay. I will ensure there won’t be any hiccups going forward”
“Not an issue”

Uff… There are millions of ways to please your manager and the problem is I just couldn’t figure out one, at the moment. Today is just NOT MY DAY

12:25 PM

“So when are you going for lunch? I know you must have missed the shuttle by now”
“Yeah. I couldn’t make it. Sorry Rithi”
“Forget it. I have decided upon something”
“What is it?”
“No more expectations on anyone for anything. Just live life like a princess”
“Ok Princess. That sounds really cool”
“I know you will never regret your mistake. Lavanya and I were expecting you to catch the shuttle at least in the very last minute”
“Come on. I didn’t do it on a purpose. I always wanted to have lunch with you no matter how bad you cook”
“Everyone likes my food in my cubicle. You are the one who complains always”

Anything wrong with your cubicle mates’ Taste buds?

“That was a P.J attempted. Mistimed it though”
“You and your P.Js. Am going for lunch. So when are you going to eat?”
“May be in a few minutes I will be leaving”
“Where are you going to have your lunch? Did you bring today?”
“Nope. I need to find some restaurant outside. Am not comfortable with FC food”
“So non-veg is it?”
“Not so sure Rithika. Might give it a shot today”
“How many times should I have to tell you to stop eating non-veg huh? It’s bad for health da. It’s really very bad to kill a living creature. If someone chops off your fingers how will you react?”
“I will do that in return”
“Very clever. Please start eating vegetables. Atleast eat 2 vegetables a day. That will keep you healthy and strong. Non-Veg consumption is bad and it won’t help you to be in good health”
“I like fish. It has lot of proteins in it”
“If you are really concerned with Protein and other healthy nourishment, eat spinach with pulses in it. It has high iron content and has a decent amount of protein too than what you get from fish”

Just pretend as if I’ve never opened a conversation with you regarding fish. Now why don’t you give me a break?

“Hmmm. Yeah that’s indeed a very good suggestion. Rithika, I will give up non vegetarian food very soon. I promise”
“You are so sweet da. You are the one who will understand my feelings and follow whatever I tell you for your own good”

Not only me!!! Any human being who doesn’t have the energy to withstand such a huge lecture in an empty stomach will nod to whatever you say


2:15 PM

“Hey what you had for lunch da? I am done. Tummy full!!!”
“I had Butter naan with Mutter panner. How about you, Rithi?”
“I had Roti and Sabzi da. Nice that you didn’t eat non veg today”


6:15 PM
“Hey am leaving for the day da. Will message or call you after reaching home. Bye bye Sweety pie J “
“Bye Honey. Take care”
“Miss ya and Love ya”

Hmmm what a day

8:35 PM

“Hey, reached home or what? “
“Hi Rithi. Just now entering home”
“Can’t you send a message before starting from office? How many times should I have to tell you huh?”
“Hey sorry. I really forgot. Do you mind if I sms you after my dinner?”
“Sure. No issues. I will wait”

9:15 PM

“Hi”
“Hi. Just finished my dinner”
“What are you doing? Watching that stupid match? “
“Yeah. Indians are batting really well. Are you watching the match too?”
“You won’t have time to message on yourself unless and until I message you is it? I have become your second priority. I don’t want to talk to someone who gives high priority to some stupid match than me”
“I am sorry where did you pick up such silly stuff? Huh? They are not playing all the time. It’s just this month and a half. Please understand will you?”
“Ok. Am going to sleep. Good night. You carry on with your match. Bye”
“Bye Rithi. Good night. Sweet dreams. Take care”


[Commentary from the Television]

Let’s hear from the commentary team about how things are going at the ground. Back to you Sunil Gavaskar and Ravi Shastri
Sunny: The rain is getting heavier and the covers are on. You can see heavy drizzles all over the park.

[A huge lightening passing through the ground and a heavy thunder roaring as if, it’s going to hit the commentary box]

Sunny: Uff… Shaz did you hear that..?
Shaz: I don’t think there is going to be a match on, Sunny. The umpires might call it off. Let’s wait and see

Yeah. You are right Sunny and Ravi. Lightning and Thunder has struck me too. She just confirmed me over the phone few minutes back!!!

Women are from Venus

Disclaimer: All incidents and characters mentioned in the story are purely fictional. Any resemblance to real life is a mere co-incidence

Women are from Venus
I wish they go back there!!!


7:00 AM
Suddenly, on a bright Monday morning with no room for earlier predictions there was a tremor. “Wake up. Its 7 o clock” Mom’s steamy voice passed through Siddharth’s ear canal and hit the ear drum like a bullet. “Wow. What a way to welcome the week” he thought and started his busy routine- Brushing the teeth for half an hour of which 20 minutes time went idle surfing the channels, watching the new movie schedules and the girls posing in the last page of the DC, reading the messages which had sneaked into his mobile after the late hours of the previous night and replying back his girl friend’s usual “Hi good morning. Have a great week ahead or Hi good morning. Have a great day ahead”. “Who would want to risk themselves not replying the good morning messages?” he thought. Siddharth had wished every day that his mom would allow him to choose the breakfast. But that had never happened

8:00 AM
Dosa would be the routine breakfast. Sometimes Chutney came as a complementary with the dosa and sometimes he just had to adjust with the Dosa podi. Work awaited 40Kms from home. So did his girl friend Rithika. Swiping in at 9 had always been a tough task for him. He still managed to succeed because of his “to-be-wife’s” torture. Having a girl friend in the same corporate if not under the same roof in different locations must be considered a challenging task for any guy. He always wanted to swipe in not before 10:30 and leave late every evening. Sid always wanted him to be “him”. But Rithika never let him be the way he desired.

9:00 AM
Rithika’s messenger window would be the first one to welcome Siddharth in his office. “Hi Sid. Good Morning da”

Hmmm how many times will you tell me Good Morning Huh?

“Hi. Good Morning sweet heart. So Howz you?”
“Great. Had your Breakfast?”
“No I skipped my breakfast. I never felt like eating today. Boring Dosa. I just hate it Rithee”
“Sid. Will you listen to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Sure. Go on”
“How many times should I tell you not to skip breakfast? You can starve for dinner. You can even take less food for lunch. But please for my sake do not skip Breakfast. Please I beg you”

What’s wrong with her? How many times should she tell me this? I won’t listen her anyways. Hmmm.

“It’s nothing of that sort. I just wanted to have a light breakfast and have a juice.”
“Don’t drink juice early in the morning. Anyways you will order that stupid sweet lime. Its acidic da. Don’t drink anything citric without eating proper Breakfast. It’s not good for health. Do you understand?”
“Yes! I do”
“Sid. Do you have more work today? Can you come for lunch today in the afternoon shuttle?”
“I don’t know. Got to check the mails and reply back. There is this call with my onsite too. Don’t know what my dear buddy has for me today”
“Ok. I will take it as negative then”
“How many times should I repeat not to assume things? I said I need to get started with my work and only then I will have an idea about my work load for the day”
“Ok forget it. Did you read the book I gave you? Your grammar is very pathetic. It needs a lot of improvement”
“Yes Rithi. I have started reading the novel which you had given me day before yesterday. But…”
“But what?”
“Yesterday you had a fight with me, remember, for not spending time with you after I reach home everyday”
“Yeah that is a different thing. Look Sid. You need to prioritize your things and work it out accordingly. You are expecting a role change this cycle right? How will you manage a team if you are not planning correctly?”

This woman is totally unpredictable. She wants me to learn, start reading books, improve grammar and spend some time with her after reaching home. She forgets I travel 80Kms up and down every single day. Uff!!!

9:30 AM
“Sid… What happened? Are you there?”
“Yeah am here. I was just thinking”
“What were you thinking?”
“Nothing”
“So are you coming for lunch? I’ve brought your favorite dish today. Come and have it if you really want to!”
“Rithi…. I wish I could come. I haven’t even started off with my work. I need to sort out the issues which are pending since yesterday. Give me some time to decide. Is it ok?”
“The dish won’t wait post 1:00PM today”

Can you talk something else other than food, relationship and your stupid Gyans?

“Ok guess you are busy that you can’t even say a Yes or No for the lunch with me”

Please don’t start that again for heaven’s sake

“Rithi. I will ping you back in a while”
“Get lost with your stupid work. I won’t ping you unless and until you ping me. Bye for now”

Finally!!! Mission accomplished. Now let me finish off the work

“Sid sweetheart. Wassup?”

No. Not again. Why ME?

“Rithi”
“Yeah my better half”
“Did I tell you I have some work to be completed before lunch and need to send a status report immediately?”
“Nope. You didn’t “
“Well. Then Rithi. You got to listen to me very carefully. Ok?”
“Yeah sure. Go on”
“I have this work which needs to be finished before lunch without which I will not be allowed to sleep peacefully tonight and I don’t want to have those nightmares early in the morning. So if you can pleaseallow me to work for a while, I will finish it up fast and if possible catch up the 12 o clock shuttle, meet you there and return back in the next shuttle. Does that sound agreeable to you?”
“Does that mean you can’t work and message me at the same time? L “
“I guess yes. I need some special practice to do parallel processing, which I can take it up from you later”
“Get lost. Don’t ping me. I will go offline. Bye”
“Hey wait..”

The following message could not be delivered to all recipients, possibly because one or more persons are offline:
Hey wait..

Wonderful. Hmmm. What am I going to do now?

10:35 AM

Sivamuthukumaran is inviting you to a conversation

“Is that report ready Siddharth? I need to have a review on that before sending it to onsite. Can you please send it across and drop by my cubicle for a few minutes? I have another meeting in 15 minutes. So make it fast”

Now that is what I call it, RITHIKA….YOU BEAUTY!!!

Hard being a lover-III

Part III – The Come Back

Amrita started asking me the same questions Darshini used to ask me “Why didn’t you call me last night?", "Why didn’t you wish me good Morning?", "Why you didn’t message me?" were the usual fights. “How many cigarettes did you smoke today?” was the popular question. Amrita hated while I complimented any other girl. As time progressed “Why did she scrap you? Why did she write a testimonial to you and why the hell did you accept that?" Darshini called me at times whenever she felt like missing me. Amrita found out I still was in contact with Darshini and she always yelled “Stop talking to her. If you want to flirt, go flirt with anyone you like and don’t you ever talk to me”.

I had wished many times that these small fights turn big and Amrita would walk out of my life not giving me any trouble and I can happily find a new girl. Unfortunately, my fantasy of breaking up with Amrita never happened. Amrita always returned back the next morning and I would start talking to her as if nothing had happened the previous day.

What has gone wrong with me? Why am I unable to break up with someone who keeps fighting with me always? I then found the answer to my misery with Amrita. I am always happy talking to Amrita. Slow peppy romantic songs still makes me think of Amrita, when I am busy flirting with someone. But when I see a girl in my office or outside in a restaurant or a street or a movie hall, my heart sure misses a beat.
Amrita caught me red handed while browsing through my mobile and saw some flirtatious messages I had forgotten to delete in the sent items folder. I should have done that before she entered my car and I remember how much I paid for my forgetfulness. The other time I had deleted all the messages before meeting her without fail but failed to look into the call logs. “Why did she call you last night at 11.45? Why did you lie to me that you were tired and going to sleep at 10.00?”

May be I should never carry my mobile with me whenever I meet Amrita! But what if some other girl messages or calls me or forwards an A joke to me and someone at home gets to see any of that. It will be even worse than tackling Amrita. Most of my friends don’t even have a friend who is a girl. "Why can’t I stick to a girl, be loyal to her and erase the word flirting?" is what my mind thinks every night. But the next morning there is no trace of such guilt and I am the same old guy flirting around once I hit the road.

I recall chatting with unknown girls over yahoo even till dusk turns dawn and had lied to Amrita that I slept off the previous night. Though Amrita had quiet a flirtatious moments while in college, she has been so much dedicated and loyal to me after we stepped into a relationship. But I am the most disloyal person to be in a relationship. I am wondering if it is the same with other guys who are in a relationship. I am not sure if it was Amrita's curse or the Internet service provider not being up to the mark, I had to disconnect the whole world from my PC recently. All the flirting was almost coming to an end. I was even thinking of removing the phone numbers of the so called “my-wavelength” girls from my contact list. Instead I decided not to start anymore new flirts.

Day: Present day

We have always had a great affinity towards animated movies. Fortunately, Madagascar2 got released and we planned to see it on a Sunday. Amrita seemed to be more excited than me. Amrita was holding my hands, looking at my face and sipping her coke. I was doing the same! It was a wonderful movie watching.

Long drives with Amrita have always been fascinating. She sitting beside me, feeling very happy just looking into my face with her face full of innocence and having a huge belief in me that I would never let her down anytime gave a loud alarm inside my head. Suddenly it occurred to me what I was doing to her was betrayal. The signal turned red and the wiper sound rhymed along with the CD player and I stopped the car. I couldn’t resist myself looking into her eyes. My confidence suddenly boosted and I was not struggling to meet her eyes anymore. I took her hands and held it very tight. There was no lust in me for the first time. Everything my lips spoke to her was nothing but LOVE! Memories of us together the past years kept repeating and the signal turned green

Hard being a lover-II

Part II – The Bliss land

Darshini Sivaraman, a girl whom I had scraped long back had replied me. Slowly, scrapping moved to daily chatting. She did not have a mobile in spite of working for an IT company. It was on a Saturday evening, I was spending time with my friend at his place. She asked me to meet her the next day. This happened when I was checking my Orkut scraps and chatting with her. I was thrilled and excited to meet her. On top of everything I was very eager to know how she would look like. My curiosity pushed me to ask her photo and she responded immediately. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. This sentence was my "Line Catcher" phrase. I have been repeating this sentence to who so ever responded to my scrap. No matter how bad she looked, she would be "beautiful" in my reply. I had no choice but to reply she was very good looking. Most girls would fuss “Oh I am not that pretty”. I am still wondering when all the good looking girls will admit “Yes I am the best”. I confirmed the place & time for the meeting and waited impatient for the next day to come. She really was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She refused to be my pillion and came to see me in her scooty.

We went to Dominos and she placed the order while I was very nervous and dumbstruck. That was my second time alone with a girl in a restaurant, the last one being with the 4th girl whom I had broken up. She started pouring out everything from her heart and all I had to do was to nod to everything she said. I laughed at everything she had thought was funny and turned my face sad when she said something sad. Half the stuff she told I dint find interesting or worthy. But I had to fake to keep it going. Later, we hanged around a few more places, took some picture in my mobile and we parted. That Sunday was terrific and I had called Amrita that night as usual to update about my first real date. Amrita sounded alright and I thought she liked my happy moments with Darshini.

Time ran quickly. I and Darshini were having a good time roaming all around Chennai. She surprised me one night with her proposal. This was when I was very tired and almost sleeping. I lost my sleep in the suddenness and started wondering as to why she fell in love with me? Can't she just spend time without falling into a relationship? Not knowing what to say, half minded I replied an OK to her proposal. All my masculine hormones further pushed me to say “Yea Yea I love you too...” That was the hottest summer in Chennai’s history. Yet it rained everyday inside me. Going with her in and around Chennai with lot of guys watching or rather I would say envying me. Having the most beautiful girl by my side was really cherishing.

I can never forget the day i spent such intimacy with Darshini at my friend's place. All the Mani Ratnam movies were running in my life… I told Amrita that I had such a wonderful day with Darshini. Amrita listened to me patiently. But I never knew there was such an enmity growing deep inside her. I kept updating Amrita about every moment I spent with Darshini. Though I had had happy moments with Darshini, my real wonderful moments were those updating Amrita and sharing everything with her. Darshini’s call would end in just 5 minutes while the call with Amrita would go on till the stars slowly fade out of the night.

Days went slow suddenly as Darshini became a bore to me. My career was going nowhere. Darshini was boring me with silly stuff which was so trivial. I seriously got involved in my work for the first time in my life and succeeded in meeting client requirements but failed to meet Darshini’s. Day in and out there was some misunderstanding between Darshini and me. When Amrita came to Chennai we planned a meet with Darshini. She was as usual boring both of us and I saw Amrita’s expression full of fake smiles and laughter. Both of them exchanged their numbers and mail IDs and I was wondering what do they both have in common to chat and talk? But I had failed to figure it was a trap to separate me and Darshini. Amrita was in love with me. Oh my god! How could she have done this to me? I am still asking myself. Amrita made me realize Darshini was only using me to vent out her silly feelings. Finally, she smartly made Darshini ditch me. I came to know of this only after Amrita had confessed at a later point of my life. Darshini started moving out of my life slowly. Amrita came back to Chennai for good and I started going around with her frequently. Anyone can change a girl with an inflated ego to a normal girl living next door. That was what happened in my life. I am a living example for changing the arrogant Amrita. Amrita was thoroughly enjoying being in my company. She still enjoys my company.

I don’t remember when I proposed Amrita that I fell in love with her. Neither had she proposed her love. We never stopped to think about how when and where “The Love” happened! After all I had completely shattered my relationship with Darshini forever. I thought life would be much easier and spicy having Amrita as my soul mate. But my life before falling in love and after the love confirmed me “Life can never be simple and easy”. Every girl is unique is a myth because when it comes to living a life together it’s all the same. Darshini and Amrita were no different to me!

Hard being a lover-I

All the incidents and characters mentioned in the story are fictional. Any resemblance to real life is a mere co-incidence.

Day: Few days back
Place: In my Cubicle, staring at the desktop

Can I be true to her? I am trying my best but I am failing time and again… No No wait… Did I tell I really tried? I would fancy myself to cry YES I DID! But NO should only be the real truth. I remember the incident a few days back when I had confessed I smoked a few cigarettes, her reaction was disappointing. Few cigarettes to me are more than half a pack. I had promised her for the 34th time that I will quit smoking soon. But "the soon" never came. She was blackmailing to stop talking to me unless I quit smoking. That was a lie, which came so natural to me every time I tried to win her heart. I wish I could keep up my words. But I am not really trying.

About me, I am Ram - A typical Software parasite. My Hobbies include a lot of fanciful things like Sidney Sheldon novels, Tom Hanks’ movies, Kimi Raikkonen, Italian Cuisine, and Bryan Adams for the sake of Orkut profile viewers helping me flirt easily. Otherwise I have nothing to do with these in my life. I wonder how many profiles I have created so far to get the attraction from the opposite gender. I keep a note of the list of these profiles. Password won’t matter as I have the same password for all of them. Each profile will be unique from the other. If Butter Naan, Alu mutter, Rajesh Khanna and Taare Zameen Par top in one profile, Kamalhaasan and Rajinikanth will find their entry in the other profile. So this is me Ram the easy go lucky persona enjoying everything as it comes.

Place: Same day Same cubicle, memories Drifting 2 years behind...

Orkut was introduced to me by a good friend. “Search all your school mates and buddies through Orkut” was the reason he gave me. I found the reason worthless. Why the hell would I want to keep in touch? I really expected nobody from my place to know anything about Orkut. But to my surprise, all my school friends were already a member in this networking portal.

She came into my life 2 years ago, when I was in the verge of my 4th break up. Of course, down south, we call it a breakup even if it was a one sided affair. Amrita Venugopalan had been her call out name always. Girls having their father’s name as their surname fascinated me. I added her not just because she was in one of the community I was in, but to establish the so called “Friendship”. There had never been a real intention for a friendship with the opposite gender except for flirting. For the sake of our Culture let’s name it as friendship or a casual relationship. I asked her for her number and she flasher hers immediately. Later I learnt she was leaving for training in a week’s time and the number would be of no use after a week. Then I realized this one was smarter than what she portrayed.

I can’t remember interacting much with her after she left for her training. My search was only inside Chennai, so that hanging around and getting to know the girl would be easy.

The training had gone real fast. She got posted to a new city. It was the starting point of our relationship and the finishing point to all my “searching-for-a-girl” activities. First few days were pretty boring and annoying. She had her first break up in her life. Gokul, the first love had found a lame excuse to break up with her. He succeeded but on the other hand I am still looking out for reasons to break up with her. ;)

I started talking to her for 5 reasons.
1. I was in production support and absolutely had no work.
2. The support mobile which they had given me had a limit up to Rs.2000
3. I had the noon shift which meant I did not have to shrink my sleep and stretch my work flirting with her.
4. She was single and heart broken without a competitor.
5. She was not looking for a long term relationship.

The first 4 points were encouraging me a lot to proceed for a relationship with her. But getting closer, the 5th point became a betrayal factor. I never wanted "commitment" or "Long Term". She on the other hand is still the most committed person I have ever seen.

From Orkut to Airtel, from Airtel to Outlook and from Outlook to Communicator. This had been my growth. Meanwhile, I was scrapping many girls and also kept updating her about the things going on in my daily life. Though she didn’t oppose anything which I did, she should have felt really bad deep inside because she agreed to whatever I said which was not her nature. Things changed completely when I met the most beautiful girl in my life ever…

My Nervous Rendez-vous

Life was always so very soulless
Face looked wrinkled and smile-less
Pillows filled with tears every night
Until I heard her lovely voice so bright

She proposed the idea of meeting
Her voice raised my spirits within
So desperate to meet and talk to her,
Thank her for the mail which brought us together

She was the most beautiful women I ever met
Striking beauty with a perfect smile
Breaking the silence made me sweat
Nervous was I, hearing her for a while

So many questions running in my mind
Somehow I managed to answer her in time
Confused if I was talking her kind
Sipping her coffee, she kept counting her dime

It was an amazing day I can never forget
Minutes I spent kept replaying non stop
All I kept saying was divert divert
I could not stop but the meeting was atop

I checked my mobile expecting her call
It never came making me upset and insane
I convinced myself it’s sure not a fall
I m confused if it’s a boon or a bane

Should I have done some more home work?
Why is she wanting to make it a burke
I was so restless and not feeling hungry
Sleeplessness made me fumble and angry

Was that a love or just some friendship?
No It can’t be serious than my life ship
Waiting and Waiting for her valuable mail
Please HR lady let my career sail!